Like many other married couple out there my husband and I fight. Most of the time it is just small banter back and forth about what is currently bothering us at the time. But there are times (a few more times than I would have liked) where things get rather heated. Neither of us want to fight with each other. I love how we are but when we fight, I sometimes do not even recognize my husband or myself for that moment in time. Things are said that we would not say consciously or things that we regret the moment the words leave our mouths.
In case you have not guess what this is about let me tell you; my husband and I are facing some tough times right now. With all the added stress (a new job for him where he has to prove himself, making sure we keep our new roommate happy so we still have a roof over our heads and just a basic loss of privacy) we have been on opposite sides right now when we need to be standing together so we can get through this road block. Both of us are talking to the other, but neither one of us is listening to the other. I feel he does not listen to me so I do not listen to him and vice versa.
Well things came to a head the other day and the lid just could not keep our emotions in the pot. We began by arguing about money (which is a hot topic for a lot of couples) and it went from there.
What hit me the most was a specific statement he made. At one point he simply said "I think we need a vacation from each other, maybe you should stay at your moms for a week". My first instinct was to smack him upside the head for being an idiot, but then a cooler (only slightly cooler) voice told me to just hear him out. He felt that maybe us being away from each other would help us to get over whatever was going on causing us to be fighting. He did not want to talk about it, he just wanted to lay it out there.
I just do not understand how sending me away (like a disobedient child) was going to help the situation. If I would have left (which I am NOT doing) all that would have happened was space. Nothing would have gotten dealt with or cleared up. There would still be one or two emotions that would be lingering and then the whole process of stuffing down the feelings would start all over. It may be good for a few days, weeks, months, or whatever time amount, but one day, the lid will no longer be able to keep everything in and we would be right back at square one.
A lot of other things were said and there were even some compromises of both of our parts, but I really do not feel we have accomplished anything. I still feel hurt by his willingness to just have me leave when things got complicated. I still do not understand if he felt that was something that would help why was he not the one to leave. He tells me not to over analyze the situation or other situations for that matter, but I really think I have to. I mean, if my husband thinks that us being apart is going to solve our problem, I have to really look at my own actions and wonder why he felt this was an option and talking to me was not something he thought of.
I am a woman. It is in my blood, my chemical makeup, to over analyze things. I have to look at everything and try to find where I went wrong. The only way I am going to learn from this experience is if I look back and find what was the breaking point. Once I know what happened, I can file that away and find different ways to handle certain situations. In order for us to fix what is broken, we need to know exactly what is broken, how bad it is broken and what it is going to take to fix. Besides, super glue does wear off after while, I do not want my married to fall apart in the same manner but putting a band aid on things and hope they go away for good this time.
He has been making a good effort today and I have tried to make sure I have a good day myself so I do not bombard him with a moody wife as soon as he gets home. Hopefully know he will see that I really do want this marriage to work and last. I also think that once we have a little more privacy we will being to have the ability to get some of our feelings out on the table. I am going to fight for my marriage.
No comments:
Post a Comment