One year ago today, I married the most wonderful man! This is a big day for me. Aside from the fact that we are celebrating the wonderful journey we have gone through this past year, I am having an internal celebration.
Allow me to explain. This is my second marriage. When I was nineteen, I rushed into a marriage with someone I barely knew. Needless to say, this was a huge mistake. What I thought was going to last forever lasted only four months before I ran screaming for the hills. The details that lead up to this are not important, just the fact that it lasted as long as it did.
After the split, I kinda gave up on having a relationship with anyone. I focused on working and finding myself again. About a year and a half later, I began to notice an old friend of mine paying closer attention to me then he had before. When I had a bad day, he was there. When I needed some help with repairs (things I couldn't do myself), he was there. One day he offered to come over and upgrade my computer so I wouldn't have any problems when I was online or working on anything simple. While he was at my house he cooked for me, cleaned up after himself (that's important to me) and we just sat on the couch watching a movie and fell asleep in each others arms.
He never left.
Believe me, we have had our ups and downs (they both equal out) and we even had times where we thought this was the end. But we stuck together and got through it stronger and more in love with each other. Hell, this was all before we were married.
Our wedding day was beautiful. Small, we were poor, but beautiful. We found a nice little hall that had a good sized room for what we wanted. All the important people were there. We didn't have a lot of food, fun or entertainment, but we had love and family so that is all that mattered. Our minister was our best friend so that was something nice that we share together with him.
Even though this year has brought us a lot of headaches, heartache, and trying times, we made it, and we are still very much in love. Now that we have gotten over the hump of the first year, I think we can tackle anything else that comes our way....
Like....Kids! Well one can hope that will happen soon. Hell, we've been trying for the past three and a half years....I think we are due a beautiful child right about now!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
What's bugging me at the moment
This friend of mine, for this blog we will call her Ma, has a 5 month old baby. I adore this child almost as if he were mine. She is a wonderful mother and friend. The thing that is really getting to me right now is her husband. Now don't get me wrong, he is a good friend (sometimes) and he does work to help with bills and things, but what he doesn't do is help Ma with the baby.
Here's an example: Today he went into work at 10 30. Ma, my husband and I (along with the baby) went out into the heat to try and find an apartment (they are the friends we are moving in with). We were out from 11 until about 2 30. No A/C in the car and having the windows down didn't help at all. We get back and are still trying to cool off when he gets to our house. As soon as he walks through the door he announces that there were not that many customers today and he didn't have a single one until around 1. As soon as he says that, he goes to lay down and falls asleep. Not asking how the hunt went, not asking how the baby was, not giving his wife a kiss, not even saying anything to the baby.
Now yes, I know he did go to work and working is hard...Not his job. Believe me I know, my husband used to work in the same place and it was easy work. Hell, I know other people who have worked there (doing the exact same thing as this guy) and they tell me that it's the easiest job they have ever had.
So why, you ask, is this bugging me? Well first of all, she's my best friend and she's getting the shit end of the stick. They both work, her harder than him some days, and they both have to take the bus in the heat to get home. But, when she is working and he is off, he will hand her the baby as soon as she walks through the door. Just "here ya go, he wants his mom" and he goes to sleep or does whatever he can to keep from having to help her.
It also bugs me because that baby needs his father. All babies need their father. This baby is 5 months and instead of saying dada (which is what most babies say first because it's easier) he says mama for everything. He doesn't even say dada....at all, or even try to!
I just don't understand why he thinks he has things so hard that he gets to take a nap when he should be spending this time with his family. Especially his son, seeing as these are still the most crucial months for brain development.
I think I'm so sensitive to this because I adore this child and I want him to have everything I didn't, like a relationship with his father. Also, I see how much this hurts Ma, and that hurts me as well. I know that he's a man and that sometimes they don't feel that they can do anything to calm the baby, but shit, TRY! Ma had given him the baby because he was crying and she got a little aggravated (she was trying to put him to sleep)....He held the baby for about 10 minutes saying, the whole time, "oh you want your momma". Then asked why he was crying. She told him that it was because he was tired and that she was trying to put him to bed but he wouldn't go to sleep. He completely ignored her and asked if she could change his diaper......of course she did, and he went right back to sleep.
If I knew that my saying anything would help the situation, believe me I would say something. But I know what kind of person he is and I know that he would just give me some bull shit excuse about having to get up early, go to work, and then walk the 5 minutes it take to get from the store to our house in the heat. He is completely oblivious to the fact that he is hurting his marriage by doing this.
It is really hard to bite my tongue, but I know it's not my place to say anything and, out of respect for Ma, I won't. Of course, I will vent to my husband when they leave and tell him that he sure as hell better not be that way. Because if he is, I will not be as reserved about it like Ma is. Oh no! All hell will break loose and I will tell him like it is.
Well I am here for her and I try to take the baby as much as I can to give her a break, but I'm not her husband, and all I can do is listen.
So that's what I will do, give her and the baby lots of love, and listen. That's what friends are for after all.
Here's an example: Today he went into work at 10 30. Ma, my husband and I (along with the baby) went out into the heat to try and find an apartment (they are the friends we are moving in with). We were out from 11 until about 2 30. No A/C in the car and having the windows down didn't help at all. We get back and are still trying to cool off when he gets to our house. As soon as he walks through the door he announces that there were not that many customers today and he didn't have a single one until around 1. As soon as he says that, he goes to lay down and falls asleep. Not asking how the hunt went, not asking how the baby was, not giving his wife a kiss, not even saying anything to the baby.
Now yes, I know he did go to work and working is hard...Not his job. Believe me I know, my husband used to work in the same place and it was easy work. Hell, I know other people who have worked there (doing the exact same thing as this guy) and they tell me that it's the easiest job they have ever had.
So why, you ask, is this bugging me? Well first of all, she's my best friend and she's getting the shit end of the stick. They both work, her harder than him some days, and they both have to take the bus in the heat to get home. But, when she is working and he is off, he will hand her the baby as soon as she walks through the door. Just "here ya go, he wants his mom" and he goes to sleep or does whatever he can to keep from having to help her.
It also bugs me because that baby needs his father. All babies need their father. This baby is 5 months and instead of saying dada (which is what most babies say first because it's easier) he says mama for everything. He doesn't even say dada....at all, or even try to!
I just don't understand why he thinks he has things so hard that he gets to take a nap when he should be spending this time with his family. Especially his son, seeing as these are still the most crucial months for brain development.
I think I'm so sensitive to this because I adore this child and I want him to have everything I didn't, like a relationship with his father. Also, I see how much this hurts Ma, and that hurts me as well. I know that he's a man and that sometimes they don't feel that they can do anything to calm the baby, but shit, TRY! Ma had given him the baby because he was crying and she got a little aggravated (she was trying to put him to sleep)....He held the baby for about 10 minutes saying, the whole time, "oh you want your momma". Then asked why he was crying. She told him that it was because he was tired and that she was trying to put him to bed but he wouldn't go to sleep. He completely ignored her and asked if she could change his diaper......of course she did, and he went right back to sleep.
If I knew that my saying anything would help the situation, believe me I would say something. But I know what kind of person he is and I know that he would just give me some bull shit excuse about having to get up early, go to work, and then walk the 5 minutes it take to get from the store to our house in the heat. He is completely oblivious to the fact that he is hurting his marriage by doing this.
It is really hard to bite my tongue, but I know it's not my place to say anything and, out of respect for Ma, I won't. Of course, I will vent to my husband when they leave and tell him that he sure as hell better not be that way. Because if he is, I will not be as reserved about it like Ma is. Oh no! All hell will break loose and I will tell him like it is.
Well I am here for her and I try to take the baby as much as I can to give her a break, but I'm not her husband, and all I can do is listen.
So that's what I will do, give her and the baby lots of love, and listen. That's what friends are for after all.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
It's Father's Day...
I normally dread this time of year. Yes I have a father, yes I love him, but we have a strange relationship. There was a period in my life where we didn't talk for five years and, actually, I feel I was better off in that time. Well, alright, I still feel that way to this day. But I do have uncles, cousins, a grandfather, and male friends who are fathers. So to them and all the other father's out there today, Happy Father's Day. And thank you for having the balls to do what is right, whatever that means for you, by your children.
Now back to my dad. I have been struggling all day (I got up early today, so it's been a long day already) with the idea of calling him. Hell, I'd even e mail him if I had the courage...and the words. You see, in dealing with my father, it is easier to think of his as being a mine field. Meaning, when you say, do or ask anything that he feels is wrong, he will blow. Now it will be small bursts at first, with a moment of smooth sailing, but the next time you step on one, you won't know it until after you feel the sting in your face. Now I am not in any words saying that my father hits me, don't misunderstand. What I am saying, is, his words and looks tend to feel like a slap in the face.
Well who the hell am I kidding...my father is a very verbally and emotionally abusive man. His words will cut into the core and make you begin to question exactly what do you believe in. Growing up, this was some scary shit. I always felt like he was right about everything, he knew because he had been out there in the world a lot longer than I had. Of course now I know differently, he was using bullying tactics to keep me believe that he was all knowing and superior. It took a lot for me to stand up to my dad and it still takes a lot for me to be in the same room with him for long periods of time. I'm normally very comfortable and relaxed when I am in the company of others. But it's different when I'm around my dad. I have to constantly keep reminding myself that I have to watch what I do and say around him. For whatever reason, every time I'm around my dad, I feel like a little girl again.
This is the pickle that I have put myself in. Right before I got married, my dad and I had a really bad fight. He had helped me get some furniture for my new and first apartment. Shortly after that, my husband (my fiance at the time) and I were able to get our first new, used car. I gave my dad a call and left a message, he didn't answer. While waiting for him to call me back, I went to my mom's to pick up my siblings. As we were leaving he called me back. I started to tell him all about the car and sharing my excitement. When I was finished, he said nothing. After, for what seemed like forever, it was only about a minute, he spoke. "This is what you called about?" I replied, yes. He hung up on me. Called back about 10 minutes later, said for me not to speak and just listen. He yelled so loud that my husband began to fight me to get the phone out of my hand. I listened to it all. Took it all in. When he was finished, I let him have it. Didn't talk to him after that for another two years.
As my wedding grew closer, I reached out to him. I mean, what bride doesn't want her dad there to walk her down the isle. I wanted to do this right, and have my dad be the one walking me down the isle to my wonderful husband to be. He became the typical father of the bride. Over analyzing everything, making sure everything was going perfectly. He was excited and it was sweet. A little weird, but sweet. It was a perfect day and I even got to dance with my dad.
He had visited a few times after the wedding, and when my cousin lived with us he helped out a lot even though he didn't have a job. A few months have gone by since I have spoken to him. I think the last time was when my cousin moved out. We didn't argue or say anything worth mentioning, but we just haven't talked since then.
I have already wrestled with the thought that maybe this period of no communication is more of a way for us to just "chill". I even thought that he might actually be giving space to live my life, be a wife and just call when I am ready, or it could also be the other way around. But I have this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that it might not be all those things and calling him would cause an eruption. I know that I should really acknowledge that fact that it is Father's Day and he is my father, and the fact that he did give me money for my birthday (although it was through my grandmother), I should (and may do) send at least an e card, just to show that I thought about it a little. I mean, it wouldn't look automatic....would it? I know how my father is and that he really doesn't like to make a big fuss about things. I also know that he doesn't even get out of bed until after noon sometimes. This would be a good time for me to send something, king of a way of saying, "hey, just thought I'd send this when I knew you'd be awake". Wow, never mind, that sounds terrible. Oh who am I kidding, I'll send it. He is, after all, my dad and I do love him.
Happy Father's Day
Now back to my dad. I have been struggling all day (I got up early today, so it's been a long day already) with the idea of calling him. Hell, I'd even e mail him if I had the courage...and the words. You see, in dealing with my father, it is easier to think of his as being a mine field. Meaning, when you say, do or ask anything that he feels is wrong, he will blow. Now it will be small bursts at first, with a moment of smooth sailing, but the next time you step on one, you won't know it until after you feel the sting in your face. Now I am not in any words saying that my father hits me, don't misunderstand. What I am saying, is, his words and looks tend to feel like a slap in the face.
Well who the hell am I kidding...my father is a very verbally and emotionally abusive man. His words will cut into the core and make you begin to question exactly what do you believe in. Growing up, this was some scary shit. I always felt like he was right about everything, he knew because he had been out there in the world a lot longer than I had. Of course now I know differently, he was using bullying tactics to keep me believe that he was all knowing and superior. It took a lot for me to stand up to my dad and it still takes a lot for me to be in the same room with him for long periods of time. I'm normally very comfortable and relaxed when I am in the company of others. But it's different when I'm around my dad. I have to constantly keep reminding myself that I have to watch what I do and say around him. For whatever reason, every time I'm around my dad, I feel like a little girl again.
This is the pickle that I have put myself in. Right before I got married, my dad and I had a really bad fight. He had helped me get some furniture for my new and first apartment. Shortly after that, my husband (my fiance at the time) and I were able to get our first new, used car. I gave my dad a call and left a message, he didn't answer. While waiting for him to call me back, I went to my mom's to pick up my siblings. As we were leaving he called me back. I started to tell him all about the car and sharing my excitement. When I was finished, he said nothing. After, for what seemed like forever, it was only about a minute, he spoke. "This is what you called about?" I replied, yes. He hung up on me. Called back about 10 minutes later, said for me not to speak and just listen. He yelled so loud that my husband began to fight me to get the phone out of my hand. I listened to it all. Took it all in. When he was finished, I let him have it. Didn't talk to him after that for another two years.
As my wedding grew closer, I reached out to him. I mean, what bride doesn't want her dad there to walk her down the isle. I wanted to do this right, and have my dad be the one walking me down the isle to my wonderful husband to be. He became the typical father of the bride. Over analyzing everything, making sure everything was going perfectly. He was excited and it was sweet. A little weird, but sweet. It was a perfect day and I even got to dance with my dad.
He had visited a few times after the wedding, and when my cousin lived with us he helped out a lot even though he didn't have a job. A few months have gone by since I have spoken to him. I think the last time was when my cousin moved out. We didn't argue or say anything worth mentioning, but we just haven't talked since then.
I have already wrestled with the thought that maybe this period of no communication is more of a way for us to just "chill". I even thought that he might actually be giving space to live my life, be a wife and just call when I am ready, or it could also be the other way around. But I have this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that it might not be all those things and calling him would cause an eruption. I know that I should really acknowledge that fact that it is Father's Day and he is my father, and the fact that he did give me money for my birthday (although it was through my grandmother), I should (and may do) send at least an e card, just to show that I thought about it a little. I mean, it wouldn't look automatic....would it? I know how my father is and that he really doesn't like to make a big fuss about things. I also know that he doesn't even get out of bed until after noon sometimes. This would be a good time for me to send something, king of a way of saying, "hey, just thought I'd send this when I knew you'd be awake". Wow, never mind, that sounds terrible. Oh who am I kidding, I'll send it. He is, after all, my dad and I do love him.
Happy Father's Day
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Here I stand
Here I stand with my feet planted firmly on the ground. Well I wouldn't say firmly, I might use, steadily planted on the ground. Yesterday was a day where I tried to turn a corner to better my situation and got a door slammed into my face. Good thing is, I didn't let that get me down. I grabbed a rock, found a window, and busted that shit in! Figuratively speaking of course.
(Although, I would break a window if I really had to, anything to get out of this current situation)
My husband and I have two really good friends who are having problems where they are currently living. It has gotten to the point where they feel that things are unsafe for them and their child. My husband and I are also in a poor situation (not as bad as their, but still a situation we need to get out of) and we all came to the conclusion that it would benefit all of us if we moved in together.
Here is where my story begins.
We found this awesome apartment. It is the exact size, area and space we are looking for. All of us are super excited. We filled out the applications, get all the information we needed together, got the money order ready to go and we go to the office to tell them "We want it!" The lady in the office is really nice, takes all of our stuff and tells us that we should hear something by Wednesday.
Then.......BAM! Door slams in our face! You see, this particular complex is running a move in special (which is why we were so exited in the first place) of 59 dollars total move in. So what's the problem? We only have one money order for the move in special.....she tells us (at the last minute I might add) that we need a second one. A SECOND ONE!?? For what?? Well apparently it's a 59 dollar total move in FOR EACH APPLICATION! So of course we are freaking, I mean we had to ask someone for the first 59 and they weren't all to happy with doing so. Now we have to come up with another 59 dollars and we don't even know what we are going to eat for dinner!
So where does the "rock in the window" come into play? Well that goes to our friend. Out of the three of us (her husband was at work at this time) she was the calm and positive one. I'm actually glad that she kept her cool, otherwise, I would have gone NUTS! Well I guess she could sense my blood pressure rising because she started talking before I had time to mouth out, "What the hell did she just say?" She informs this bit....I mean lady, that we will be back Friday and asks if they will still hold the apartment. We are then informed that it's nothing to worry about because we have until the first to get the money order to them anyway. So there, in a matter of speaking, if the rock being thrown into the window.
Now we are just waiting to hear if we got approved and the next step is to get on the ball with packing and deciding what can come with us and what we should give up.
That's the hard part....Well that and moving, moving sucks! And moving two different families into one place, even suckier! (Yes, I know that is not a word, I'm going to use it anyway)
(Although, I would break a window if I really had to, anything to get out of this current situation)
My husband and I have two really good friends who are having problems where they are currently living. It has gotten to the point where they feel that things are unsafe for them and their child. My husband and I are also in a poor situation (not as bad as their, but still a situation we need to get out of) and we all came to the conclusion that it would benefit all of us if we moved in together.
Here is where my story begins.
We found this awesome apartment. It is the exact size, area and space we are looking for. All of us are super excited. We filled out the applications, get all the information we needed together, got the money order ready to go and we go to the office to tell them "We want it!" The lady in the office is really nice, takes all of our stuff and tells us that we should hear something by Wednesday.
Then.......BAM! Door slams in our face! You see, this particular complex is running a move in special (which is why we were so exited in the first place) of 59 dollars total move in. So what's the problem? We only have one money order for the move in special.....she tells us (at the last minute I might add) that we need a second one. A SECOND ONE!?? For what?? Well apparently it's a 59 dollar total move in FOR EACH APPLICATION! So of course we are freaking, I mean we had to ask someone for the first 59 and they weren't all to happy with doing so. Now we have to come up with another 59 dollars and we don't even know what we are going to eat for dinner!
So where does the "rock in the window" come into play? Well that goes to our friend. Out of the three of us (her husband was at work at this time) she was the calm and positive one. I'm actually glad that she kept her cool, otherwise, I would have gone NUTS! Well I guess she could sense my blood pressure rising because she started talking before I had time to mouth out, "What the hell did she just say?" She informs this bit....I mean lady, that we will be back Friday and asks if they will still hold the apartment. We are then informed that it's nothing to worry about because we have until the first to get the money order to them anyway. So there, in a matter of speaking, if the rock being thrown into the window.
Now we are just waiting to hear if we got approved and the next step is to get on the ball with packing and deciding what can come with us and what we should give up.
That's the hard part....Well that and moving, moving sucks! And moving two different families into one place, even suckier! (Yes, I know that is not a word, I'm going to use it anyway)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)