This friend of mine, for this blog we will call her Ma, has a 5 month old baby. I adore this child almost as if he were mine. She is a wonderful mother and friend. The thing that is really getting to me right now is her husband. Now don't get me wrong, he is a good friend (sometimes) and he does work to help with bills and things, but what he doesn't do is help Ma with the baby.
Here's an example: Today he went into work at 10 30. Ma, my husband and I (along with the baby) went out into the heat to try and find an apartment (they are the friends we are moving in with). We were out from 11 until about 2 30. No A/C in the car and having the windows down didn't help at all. We get back and are still trying to cool off when he gets to our house. As soon as he walks through the door he announces that there were not that many customers today and he didn't have a single one until around 1. As soon as he says that, he goes to lay down and falls asleep. Not asking how the hunt went, not asking how the baby was, not giving his wife a kiss, not even saying anything to the baby.
Now yes, I know he did go to work and working is hard...Not his job. Believe me I know, my husband used to work in the same place and it was easy work. Hell, I know other people who have worked there (doing the exact same thing as this guy) and they tell me that it's the easiest job they have ever had.
So why, you ask, is this bugging me? Well first of all, she's my best friend and she's getting the shit end of the stick. They both work, her harder than him some days, and they both have to take the bus in the heat to get home. But, when she is working and he is off, he will hand her the baby as soon as she walks through the door. Just "here ya go, he wants his mom" and he goes to sleep or does whatever he can to keep from having to help her.
It also bugs me because that baby needs his father. All babies need their father. This baby is 5 months and instead of saying dada (which is what most babies say first because it's easier) he says mama for everything. He doesn't even say dada....at all, or even try to!
I just don't understand why he thinks he has things so hard that he gets to take a nap when he should be spending this time with his family. Especially his son, seeing as these are still the most crucial months for brain development.
I think I'm so sensitive to this because I adore this child and I want him to have everything I didn't, like a relationship with his father. Also, I see how much this hurts Ma, and that hurts me as well. I know that he's a man and that sometimes they don't feel that they can do anything to calm the baby, but shit, TRY! Ma had given him the baby because he was crying and she got a little aggravated (she was trying to put him to sleep)....He held the baby for about 10 minutes saying, the whole time, "oh you want your momma". Then asked why he was crying. She told him that it was because he was tired and that she was trying to put him to bed but he wouldn't go to sleep. He completely ignored her and asked if she could change his diaper......of course she did, and he went right back to sleep.
If I knew that my saying anything would help the situation, believe me I would say something. But I know what kind of person he is and I know that he would just give me some bull shit excuse about having to get up early, go to work, and then walk the 5 minutes it take to get from the store to our house in the heat. He is completely oblivious to the fact that he is hurting his marriage by doing this.
It is really hard to bite my tongue, but I know it's not my place to say anything and, out of respect for Ma, I won't. Of course, I will vent to my husband when they leave and tell him that he sure as hell better not be that way. Because if he is, I will not be as reserved about it like Ma is. Oh no! All hell will break loose and I will tell him like it is.
Well I am here for her and I try to take the baby as much as I can to give her a break, but I'm not her husband, and all I can do is listen.
So that's what I will do, give her and the baby lots of love, and listen. That's what friends are for after all.
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